Daniel Carlson

About movies, mostly.

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Month: July 2006 (page 1 of 2)

It’s A Melody I Stole From A Bathroom Wall, And It’s The Words I Hear The Birds Sing

Because sometimes, when confronted with the majesty and grandeur of nature, men instinctively try to claim the territory as their own. And also because this was pretty clearly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And because we’d had a lot of water. And because we are animals. And because we accept this.

Semper Fi, Esposito

Today in the Guide: All about Rushmore.
P.S. I spent a lot of time writing this, so eat up.
P.P.S. Rushmore is Wes Anderson’s best film. This is beyond dispute. Thanks for your time.

Happenings On The Interwebs

The TV Whore has a good look at some of this fall’s pilots, including “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” which I will watch earnestly and passionately. I already know I will.

“I’ve recently been made aware of the fact that in Europe, people throw babies at you, and then, while you’re distracted, steal your stuff. …”

Piranhas? Really?

That’s all I got. I just love this image.

America: Like That Retarded Trust-Fund Kid

The Sis refers to these clips as the reason she hates Bush and loves “The Daily Show” all rolled into one. It’s hard to argue.
Your jaw will drop:

I think it’s safe to say that Sen. Brownback is a s**tcan retard. That clip makes me hate him. And Kansas. And eagles. And white men.
Oh, but it gets better:

Only a year and a half left. That’s the only thing that keeps me hanging on.

Saturday Time Killers

Who wants trailers? I know you all do.
• A dystopian sci-fi tale that pushes the boundaries of the medium.
Visually stunning, good concept. It all depends on the execution.
Another great idea, and a good director, to boot.
• This looks almost impossibly dumb, but I’ll be honest, when it finally lands on HBO, I’ll probably watch it.
• Because Hollywood loves originality so much that it makes every movie twice (at least), enjoy a pair of trailers for period mysteries about magicians: The Illusionist and The Prestige.
• This looks like it was upgraded from straight-to-Skinemax. Will this be the film that finally sees Elisha Cuthbert get naked? Her star power’s fading, and if she doesn’t do it know, she’ll wind up doing it for less pay on cable in ~7 years. Trust me.

Review: Lady in the Water

This one was tough. It’s definitely worth seeing, but with an open mind. Remember that: Open mind. Open.
Okay then: Clickety-click.

Big Deposit, No Return

And the award for Most Expensive Date With Absolutely No Possibility Of Any Kind Of Sex goes to:
This guy, known only as John, who paid $30,000 for a date with Jessica Biel. The whole thing is part of a fundraiser for a girl who lost a leg in a prom night limo accident (itself a somewhat comical, if morbid, turn of events). There’s a possiblility that this guy’s motives could be as much as 50% pure and humanitarian, but it’s likely he’s just some indepenently wealthy nutjob who’s looking to rub on Jessica Biel for a couple hours. I’m not saying I don’t see where he’s coming from on this one (just Google her for yourself and see what I mean), but this guy has to know his chances of scoring are absolutely zero. There has to be a cheaper way to buy disappointment.

Buncha Savages In This Town

Time once again for The Pajiba trade round-up.
And while you’re at it, enjoy a classic clip (it’s actually SFW, too):

Not Mother?

Oh man, just when I thought I couldn’t love YouTube any more.

Man, I’m All Over It Today

The latest PopMatters review:
“Nightmares & Dreamscapes.”
I’ve read way too many Stephen King books, so trust me, this show really isn’t that bad. It’s worth checking out.

I’m Now Only Two Degrees Removed From Gary Louris

Which is a great thing to be. I now know a guy who knows the guy who wrote “Angelyne.”
Another interview with a real live director.
And all because I go to the Laemmle on Sunset. Awesome.

Monday = Thomson

From the latest add to the bookshelf:

Actually, I am more hopeful than that, for I am asking for the possibility, the need, even the duty for whole understanding. It can be done; it can embrace the murder and the majesty, the business statistics and the millions of us being moved, the art and the awfulness. What I am thinking of is a history … of magicians, con men, hacks, and scoundrels (and their ladies, too, never fear). … No one thinks to try the history of the whole thing in a way that could accommodate the artistic careers, the lives of the pirates, the ebb and flow of business, the sociological impact — in short the wonder in the dark, the calculation in the offices, and the staggering impact on America of moving pictures. Which is also the thunderous artillery of America unleashed on the world. And maybe because it is too hard.
To be whole, the equation needs all of these things. And more.

And from the Independent:

He looked out to sea and chuckled. We could see young bodies surfing. “And here’s the best part of it,” he said. “Pirates has Johnny Depp, and it’s possible at the moment that people would come to see his sleek indolence doing nothing. If they could write the nothing properly. But Pirates — everyone knows it — it’s a bloody awful film. So the most heartening thing of all is that we can break the records and bring back the seats with a bad film. Think what we might do if we ever made a good one!”

Sunday Interwebs Round-Up

Some interesting points here:
“For some reason, the idea persists that popular equals good. Popular equals popular. Few would argue that McDonald’s makes the best hamburgers, or that the 1963-64 season of ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’ is the greatest TV season of all time. They’re satisfactory; they’re entertaining; maybe they’re good, maybe they’re not. …
Finally, popular is often conflated with “right.” I’m often reminded of a letter to Rolling Stone after that magazine criticized one of Journey’s early-’80s albums. “Five million Journey fans can’t be wrong,” the letter-writer wrote. I wonder if she’s still listening — and whether she’s agreed with every winning politician of the last 25 years.”
I don’t think he goes far enough in discussing the objective good and bad in film (and they exist, kids; it’s not all relative), but still, the column’s not too bad.

This is pretty good:
“Western literature has fooled us into thinking that we come of age at puberty, through stories about falling in love with the local teenage badass or stealing cigarettes from somebody’s big brother. The real threshold into adulthood is crossed when we realize that we’ll never be rock stars, never be secret agents, never be better than everyone else. Coming of age happens when we accept boredom, disappointment and compromise. It would be hard to make it any clearer that the character in your film has found this acceptance than to have him shoot his immature self with a nine millimeter Glock. …
These curmudgeonly critics claim that the protagonist in this film is always spouting whiney, self-indulgent philosophizing-and in fact they’re right, because he does exactly that right up until those final few moments. He deals with the freaked out, pissed off disillusionment of the real-life generation he reflects, so that the audience and character can make the journey together. It’s a tough pill to swallow when you realize that there’s no prescribed ideology or plan that will make you into who you were meant to be. Maybe all those critics are just too old to remember that.”

“It gets crazy on the road, and awful lonely. That’s why I love pornography.” Yep:

Man, remember back in fall 2004 when we really thought things were about to change for the better? Sometimes when I think back to that brief moment of optimism I could just cry till I puked blood.

This Is Just Annoying

There’s a pretty sad column over at MSNBC wherein the author makes noises about examining our culture’s obsession with the ability of Netflix and/or DVRs to deliver tons of content that we wind up never watching, though it’s actually about lazy people who don’t quite have the dedication they think they have when it comes to watching good movies. The author highlights an ex-Netflix employee, Crystal Trexel, who’s had Maria Full of Grace rented from Netflix since December 2004. She still hasn’t watched it.
Her problem? Well, the column makes it out to be a combination of mood and mild laziness, but I’d say she’s just plain stupid. She apparently likes movies enough to subscribe to Netflix’s 8-at-a-time plan for $48 a month, yet she’s had this movie for more than 18 months without once watching it. That means you don’t like movies. That means you’re fooling yourself into thinking you know what you’re doing.
In the time she’s had Maria gathering dust on the TV stand, Crystal has rented, among other things, Napoleon Dynamite and every season of “Gilmore Girls” and “Sex and the City.” Oh, Crystal. Poor, sweet, silly Crystal. She says of the film: “It’s not the light sort of thing you put in when you have an hour and a half. It requires a special mood.” That doesn’t hold water, lady. Watch the movie or don’t, but don’t act as if you’ve never been in the mood to watch it for a year and a half. That’s just stupid. Just return the movie and move on.