Daniel Carlson

About movies, mostly.

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Month: July 2006 (page 1 of 3)

It’s A Melody I Stole From A Bathroom Wall, And It’s The Words I Hear The Birds Sing

Because sometimes, when confronted with the majesty and grandeur of nature, men instinctively try to claim the territory as their own. And also because this was pretty clearly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And because we’d had a lot of water. And because we are animals. And because we accept this.

Semper Fi, Esposito

Today in the Guide: All about Rushmore.
P.S. I spent a lot of time writing this, so eat up.
P.P.S. Rushmore is Wes Anderson’s best film. This is beyond dispute. Thanks for your time.

Happenings On The Interwebs

The TV Whore has a good look at some of this fall’s pilots, including “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” which I will watch earnestly and passionately. I already know I will.

“I’ve recently been made aware of the fact that in Europe, people throw babies at you, and then, while you’re distracted, steal your stuff. …”

Piranhas? Really?

That’s all I got. I just love this image.

America: Like That Retarded Trust-Fund Kid

The Sis refers to these clips as the reason she hates Bush and loves “The Daily Show” all rolled into one. It’s hard to argue.
Your jaw will drop:

I think it’s safe to say that Sen. Brownback is a s**tcan retard. That clip makes me hate him. And Kansas. And eagles. And white men.
Oh, but it gets better:

Only a year and a half left. That’s the only thing that keeps me hanging on.

Saturday Time Killers

Who wants trailers? I know you all do.
• A dystopian sci-fi tale that pushes the boundaries of the medium.
Visually stunning, good concept. It all depends on the execution.
Another great idea, and a good director, to boot.
• This looks almost impossibly dumb, but I’ll be honest, when it finally lands on HBO, I’ll probably watch it.
• Because Hollywood loves originality so much that it makes every movie twice (at least), enjoy a pair of trailers for period mysteries about magicians: The Illusionist and The Prestige.
• This looks like it was upgraded from straight-to-Skinemax. Will this be the film that finally sees Elisha Cuthbert get naked? Her star power’s fading, and if she doesn’t do it know, she’ll wind up doing it for less pay on cable in ~7 years. Trust me.

Review: Lady in the Water

This one was tough. It’s definitely worth seeing, but with an open mind. Remember that: Open mind. Open.
Okay then: Clickety-click.

Big Deposit, No Return

And the award for Most Expensive Date With Absolutely No Possibility Of Any Kind Of Sex goes to:
This guy, known only as John, who paid $30,000 for a date with Jessica Biel. The whole thing is part of a fundraiser for a girl who lost a leg in a prom night limo accident (itself a somewhat comical, if morbid, turn of events). There’s a possiblility that this guy’s motives could be as much as 50% pure and humanitarian, but it’s likely he’s just some indepenently wealthy nutjob who’s looking to rub on Jessica Biel for a couple hours. I’m not saying I don’t see where he’s coming from on this one (just Google her for yourself and see what I mean), but this guy has to know his chances of scoring are absolutely zero. There has to be a cheaper way to buy disappointment.

Buncha Savages In This Town

Time once again for The Pajiba trade round-up.
And while you’re at it, enjoy a classic clip (it’s actually SFW, too):

Not Mother?

Oh man, just when I thought I couldn’t love YouTube any more.