Monthly Archives: September 2007

Review: The Kingdom

• One day, Peter Berg’s gonna hold the camera still and let me see what’s going on. And that will be a good day.
• To the people who clapped when Jennifer Garner shoved a knife into the back of a terrorist’s skull: You scare me.
Click here for the review.
UPDATE: According to the Times Online, Peter Berg has shown some regret that the film ended so positively, or at least more bloodthirsty than some (like me) may have wanted. He said, “I do think it’s not entirely realistic. … I boxed myself into a corner. Next time that won’t happen.”
Just, you know, interesting.

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The Dangers Of Wealth: An Online Transcript

me: don’t tase me, bro
man
kid just had a good question about kerry being in the same super-secret super-powerful club as bush
and he gets shocked
lame
Sis: seriously
i mean, he was acting stupid, but the police shouldn’t have been trying to tackle him in the first place
me: yeah. maybe he could’ve phrased it better, been more sly, but i like the premise, you know?
skull and bones guys were like the birth of the cia
Sis: it’s true
me: just a bunch of rich scary new englanders
Sis: hehe
me: with their chowder and torture
Sis: :)
pastel polo shirts and wiretapping programs
me: freaking boat shoes and international webs of secret agents
Sis: using their rowing paddles to waterboard detainees on
me: choking immigrants with those camel-hair scarves
Sis: waxing their yachts with never-used writs of habeas corpus
me: powering their homes on martha’s vineyard with the failed dreams of oppressed minorities
Sis: using their silver spoons to hook up the electrical wiring on enemy combatants, who have their heads covered with letterman’s sweaters
me: with their rigidly patriarchal society and their distaste for the bill of rights

Posted in Online Transcripts | 1 Comment

Lies, Damn Lies, And Dane Cook

The upcoming comedy Good Luck Chuck is about Chuck (Dane Cook), a guy who’s seemingly cursed in relationships because every time he sleeps with a woman, she winds up leaving him for the man she’s meant to marry. That’s how he got his nickname: Good Luck Chuck. The title is not a statement or wish of well-being — that would be Good Luck, Chuck. But there’s no comma, because the title isn’t a phrase, it’s the character’s handle. It’s important to lay all that up front because (a) I am indisputably right about this and (b) Lionsgate is apparently abandoning the film’s premise for the latest round of TV trailers, despite already having aired and screened teasers that more accurately reflect the film’s story.
Here’s the original trailer:

Cook appears to be playing a slightly toned-down version of the hyperkinetic stage persona he’s crafted over the years, which is a welcome change. But he’s playing a pretty sleazy-looking womanizer, working his stubble and oddly spiked hair to his advantage while bedding a succession of women who simply want to screw him so they can move on and find their true loves. That’s the basis of the conflict: Chuck meets Cam (Jessica Alba), but is afraid that when he sleeps with her, she’ll leave him. Chuck’s willpower being about as low as you’d expect from a lanky white man who’s been propositioned by Jessica Alba, Chuck sets out to “test” the curse, leading to what will inevitably be an embarrassing scene for the woman who was cast to play the fat obstacle Chuck must literally hurdle. The film looks to be a dull, predictable sex comedy.
But the latest round of teasers jettison this story — which, I should probably reiterate, is the film’s actual story — in favor of a new plot in which Chuck falls in love with Cam but is put through his paces when she turns out to be a bit of a klutz, whose pratfalls and accidents usually wind up hurting Chuck as much as herself. Observe the recut teaser:

It’s not that the new trailer is meant to alter or redirect the film’s sexuality: Although the original version deals more plainly with Chuck’s quest to get laid and the eventual snag he hits when he discovers he actually has a heart, both teasers are unabashed fans of Jessica Alba’s body. But the second teaser softens Chuck up significantly, turning him from a scheming (if ultimately harmless) lothario into a hapless victim of his girlfriend’s pratfalls and mishaps. The new version is meant to sell the film as a more palatable, mainstream romantic comedy, something Ben Stiller would make, and move away from the more crass story presented in the original trailer. Chuck is no longer daring himself to sleep with a morbidly obese woman, who’s stuffing her face with food the way absolutely no one does, or obsessing over the girl he wants to screw but can’t. Now he’s just some goofball who has to survive his girlfriend’s klutziness.
But, as I said above, that’s not the movie. People will see this new teaser and buy into the concept it’s selling, only instead of the braindead comedy they expected, they’ll receive a crueler movie that has used fellatio and handjob-referencing images to make itself known. And the problem, obviously, isn’t that the movie contains sex, or even used sex to sell itself (however disgustingly); it’s that Lionsgate is now pretending that a newer, kinder trailer can somehow give them a completely new movie. But maybe I’m overthinking this whole thing. As Alba’s character says in the original trailer, “People will believe whatever they want to believe.” Maybe the trailers aren’t selling two conflicting movies, just different versions of the same idea of a movie, in this case, an R-rated sex comedy starring a dopey comedian and a blandly attractive model. If the target audience doesn’t care what kind of movie they’re getting, why should they care if the whole thing’s a lie?

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Mix It Up — 5

cash2.jpg
I created this mix just a couple weeks ago, meaning it came less than two months after the last one, by far the shortest span between mixes so far. Even though I live in L.A., which has a better selection of radio stations than most markets, I find myself listening to CDs almost constantly when I’m in the car. It’s not that I don’t like modern rock; I enjoy KROQ as much as the next guy, especially the fact that they still feel weirdly obligated to play Sublime every hour. It’s just that I get tired of thumbing back and forth between stations, catching snatches of songs I tolerate and trying to avoid commercials. It’s easier to listen to albums I love, of which there are many, and to pop in these mixes whenever I make them. As usual, the mix reflects songs I’ve been listening to for years (“Horses,” “The Fox”) with songs that are newer to me (“Without Goodbye”) or that I’m pleasantly rediscovering after one of those weird dormant periods where you forget you own certain CDs or songs (“Winner’s Casino,” “In Lieu of Flowers”). Happily, almost all the tracks are available via iTunes, though as always, I recommend picking up the full albums at your local used CD store. Happiness is worth $7 a pop.
Alt 6.0
1. “Horses” (live), Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers — A faster, amped-up version of a track that originally appeared on The Refreshments’ The Bottle & Fresh Horses, before Clyne formed his new band. Clyne has since slidden into a bit of artistic disrepair, but this song is a reminder of his country-rock glory days.
Roger Clyne and The Peacemakers - Real to Reel - Horses (Live)

2. “W-I-F-E,” Old 97′s — A solid, swinging song that’s made for drinking, or singing in the shower. I choose both. The lesson of the song: When choosing between your wife, your girlfriend, or your rampant alcoholism, always go with the booze.
Old 97's - Wreck Your Life - W-I-F-E

3. “Pinball Song,” Slobberbone — I admit, this song was already on a previous mix. I duped it by accident. But this is my fifth mix, meaning I’ve cobbled together about 100 songs on these playlists, and sometimes in my eagerness to include a song I really love I forget to check if I’ve used it before. Sue me.
Slobberbone - Everything You Thought Was Right Was Wrong Today - Pinball Song

4. “Winner’s Casino,” Richmond Fontaine — A great song from a concept album from Richmond Fontaine, meaning it trails off into static and weird ambient noise that doesn’t really add to the song and almost detracts from its overall impact (I call this the “mid-period Wilco effect”).
Richmond Fontaine - Winnemucca - Winner's Casino

5. “Without Goodbye,” Two Dollar Pistols — A great, classic-sounding song. Lead singer John Howie, Jr. says “where” like “whar,” which kinda reminds me of how my father says “warsh” for “wash.” So there you go.
Two Dollar Pistols - Hands Up! - Without Goodbye

6. “Stickshifts and Safety Belts,” Cake — This has been in my head since I was a freshman in college.
Cake - Fashion Nugget - Stickshifts and Safetybelts

7. “Start With Amazing Grace,” Zane Williams — Zane Williams has slept on my couch.
Zane Williams - Hurry Home - Start With Amazing Grace

8. “Box Full of Letters,” Wilco — A.M. is still my favorite Wilco album. I own many of them, and love so many moments on Being There, Summerteeth, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, and Sky Blue Sky. But I’ll always love this one the most. Simple, powerful country-rock.
Wilco - A.M. - Box Full of Letters

9. “More Than I Can Do,” Steve Earle — There’s always an undercurrent of creepiness in songs about pursuing a woman until she’s yours, and this one’s no exception. I mean, it’s a great song, and I Feel Alright is a desert island album, but something about telling a woman you won’t leave her yard even if she calls the cops is a little sketchy. (Also, I think this song would be great if you laid it under the scene in the movie where the killer catches up to the victim and murders them. I know that’s weird, but admit it, that’s a good idea. Somebody at “Dexter” needs to make that happen.)
Steve Earle - I Feel Alright - More Than I Can Do

10. “Back to Me,” Kathleen Edwards — Amazing song, and sensual. The way she howls “come” and drags out that vowel … come on. We all know where you’re going with that, Kathleen. And it’s awesome.
Kathleen Edwards - Back to Me - Back to Me

11. “Jolene,” Mindy Smith w/ Dolly Parton — A great cover that gets a boost of credibility (not that Mindy Smith needed it) by having Parton sit in on the harmony.
Mindy Smith - One Moment More - Jolene (Bonus Track)

12. “Bramble Rose,” Tift Merritt — It’s gonna be okay, Tift.
Tift Merritt - Bramble Rose - Bramble Rose

13. “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry,” Johnny Cash — One of the all-time classic songs, from the last album Cash released before he died.
Johnny Cash - American IV - The Man Comes Around - I'm so Lonesome I Could Cry

14. “The Fox,” Nickel Creek — This has been in my head since high school.
Nickel Creek - Nickel Creek - The Fox

15. “Casino Queen,” Wilco — Everything I said above.
Wilco - A.M. - Casino Queen

16. “Long Time Gone,” Dixie Chicks — I remember the summer this song came out, and how I couldn’t get enough of it. I worked for the campus maintenance crew at my college, and it was a generally terrible summer, but while driving the van from the shop to campus, I would listen to the radio and wonder how far I could get if I just stole the van and headed for home.
Dixie Chicks - Home - Long Time Gone

17. “You Don’t Have Far to Go,” Merle Haggard — Old, old school, from Hag’s first album.
Merle Haggard - Strangers - You Don't Have Far to Go

18. “That’s All It Took,” Gram Parsons — You can never go wrong with Gram Parsons.
Gram Parsons - GP / Grievous Angel - That's All It Took

19. “In Lieu of Flowers,” Sarah Lee Guthrie and Johnny Irion — The first track on Exploration is the best one. The way Guthrie and Irion blend their harmonies is fantastic.
Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion - Exploration - In Lieu of Flowers

20. “Fire in the Canyon,” Fountains of Wayne — Fountains of Wayne slip into country every now and then, and it always sounds good.
Fountains of Wayne - Traffic and Weather - Fire In the Canyon

21. “Save It For a Rainy Day,” The Jayhawks — An old roommate of mine heard me playing this CD one day and was convinced this song was used in a movie or TV show he’d recently seen, though it wasn’t. That’s how bright and elemental and good this song is: You will think you’ve heard it before, but that’s because it already exists in your soul, and Gary Louris is just pulling it out. He’s good at that.
22. “Cheatin’,” Gin Blossoms — New Miserable Experience is a great album, and it’s marked halfway through and at the very end by interesting genre exercises that diverge from the rest of the record’s early-’90s pop-rock. The first is “Cajun Song” — so, so good — and the second is “Cheatin’,” an upbeat, countryish lament that’s better than most people give it credit for being. Granted, the chorus is a bit confusing; when the singer explains away his infidelity by saying of his mistress, “She made me feel just like a woman should / You can’t call it cheatin’ because she reminds me of you,” I always wonder, “So, she made you feel like a woman should? So, you feel like a woman?” I think “She made me feel just like a woman could” or “She made me feel just like a man should” would be clearer, but then again, I’m not a suicidal songwriting genius, so what do I know. Regardless, it’s a great song.
Gin Blossoms - New Miserable Experience

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