Daniel Carlson

About movies, mostly.

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Month: April 2009 (page 1 of 2)

At Least No One Mentioned ABBA: An Online Transcript

My boss: You seem to be a man without a song epoxy-ed to his cranium. Let me remedy that:
Zoot suit riot — RIOT!!
me: …i will find a way to get even
THROW BACK A BOTTLE OF BEEEER
crap
My boss: Yeah, that was inhumane. A cure:
Hey Macarena HEEEYYYYYY!!
me: love me love me, say that you love me, fool me fool me, go on and fool me
My boss: Shithead.

Hurley Is A Big Dumb Grinning Idiot At This Point

I completely admit that I half-assed this one. It was a weak episode that was really only worth it for a few key moments, so I figured the recap could easily be subbed for discussion questions.
Click here for the recap.

I Can Feel It In My Midichlorians: An Online Transcript

TradeFederationBattleshipPhoto.jpg
me: whoa whoa
there’s a love theme in the prequels?
Tracy: apparently there was some sort of love story, I don’t know
I never really caught it
I was too caught up in the crazy Asian-style Trade Federation
me: well the trade federation can’t very well demand dipolomatic status in one breath and refuse to honor export tariffs in the next!
THAT’S NOT WHAT STAR WARS IS ABOUT MOTHERF**KER
PAY YOUR TAXES
Tracy: my god you’re brilliant
me: i’m just trying to uphold george’s vision
Tracy: yeah his perfect perfect vision
me: glad you finally came around
now we can be friends
Tracy: I was always on your side, no worries. Prequels 4EVAH

Review: “The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler”

About what you’d expect from those envelope-pushers at the Hallmark Hall of Fame:
Click here for the review.

Review: State of Play

Not bad at all:
Click here for the review.

Review: “Sit Down, Shut Up”

Not good.
Click here for the review.

Subject Lines To Spam Emails I Have Recently Received

I wish so much that I were making these up:
• You won’t find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.
• Do you really trust her?
• Our product equals great boner plus great stamina!
• Revealing the secrets of pornstarts!
• Leading supplier of Canadian chemists in now available for you.
• Celebrate your victory in love.
• With such powers you will be able to make your woman really satisfied.
• aid your lover couch experience
• boost your belove bed adventures
• 15 Mistakes Every woman made!
• The best way to drive her crazy.
• The world’s largest online health shop.
• Fill in your medication subscription.
• Break lovemaking world records
• Crazy wholesale
• hoist your sweet night event (This one is just amazing.)
• There will always be a moment in your life that can change everything, insure yourself with blue-pill!
• Lost way to her G spot?
• Want to get harder and stay up longer? We know how.

The Lost Lane-End Into Heaven

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As part of our ongoing Pajiba Blockbusters series, today I take a look at The Empire Strikes Back, which is one of my all-time favorite films. I’ve loved it since childhood, but didn’t start to genuinely appreciate it until I was older.
Click here for the review.
UPDATE: Against my better judgment and usual practices, there’s a comment I can’t help but point out. One reader named “Macafee” asked why, since “this is the internet,” I didn’t use video clips. I actually used three clips in the piece, linking them to key sentences. That’s why the text was blue, guy. This is the internet.

I Loves Me Some Terry O’Quinn

I have a theory about John Locke. Could be unbelievably wrong, but it’s still a fun theory. Plus I make an epistemology joke:
Click here for the recap.

Review: Observe and Report

Great and funny and dark and awesome:
Click here for the review.
It’s also amazingly darker than the TV spots, which are kind of “wacky” and retarded, like most commercials. For an actual taste of the movie, check out the red-band trailer: