Daniel Carlson

About movies, mostly.

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Month: April 2009 (page 1 of 2)

At Least No One Mentioned ABBA: An Online Transcript

My boss: You seem to be a man without a song epoxy-ed to his cranium. Let me remedy that:
Zoot suit riot — RIOT!!
me: …i will find a way to get even
My boss: Yeah, that was inhumane. A cure:
Hey Macarena HEEEYYYYYY!!
me: love me love me, say that you love me, fool me fool me, go on and fool me
My boss: Shithead.

Hurley Is A Big Dumb Grinning Idiot At This Point

I completely admit that I half-assed this one. It was a weak episode that was really only worth it for a few key moments, so I figured the recap could easily be subbed for discussion questions.
Click here for the recap.

I Can Feel It In My Midichlorians: An Online Transcript

me: whoa whoa
there’s a love theme in the prequels?
Tracy: apparently there was some sort of love story, I don’t know
I never really caught it
I was too caught up in the crazy Asian-style Trade Federation
me: well the trade federation can’t very well demand dipolomatic status in one breath and refuse to honor export tariffs in the next!
Tracy: my god you’re brilliant
me: i’m just trying to uphold george’s vision
Tracy: yeah his perfect perfect vision
me: glad you finally came around
now we can be friends
Tracy: I was always on your side, no worries. Prequels 4EVAH

Review: “The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler”

About what you’d expect from those envelope-pushers at the Hallmark Hall of Fame:
Click here for the review.

Review: State of Play

Not bad at all:
Click here for the review.

Review: “Sit Down, Shut Up”

Not good.
Click here for the review.

Subject Lines To Spam Emails I Have Recently Received

I wish so much that I were making these up:
• You won’t find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.
• Do you really trust her?
• Our product equals great boner plus great stamina!
• Revealing the secrets of pornstarts!
• Leading supplier of Canadian chemists in now available for you.
• Celebrate your victory in love.
• With such powers you will be able to make your woman really satisfied.
• aid your lover couch experience
• boost your belove bed adventures
• 15 Mistakes Every woman made!
• The best way to drive her crazy.
• The world’s largest online health shop.
• Fill in your medication subscription.
• Break lovemaking world records
• Crazy wholesale
• hoist your sweet night event (This one is just amazing.)
• There will always be a moment in your life that can change everything, insure yourself with blue-pill!
• Lost way to her G spot?
• Want to get harder and stay up longer? We know how.

The Lost Lane-End Into Heaven

As part of our ongoing Pajiba Blockbusters series, today I take a look at The Empire Strikes Back, which is one of my all-time favorite films. I’ve loved it since childhood, but didn’t start to genuinely appreciate it until I was older.
Click here for the review.
UPDATE: Against my better judgment and usual practices, there’s a comment I can’t help but point out. One reader named “Macafee” asked why, since “this is the internet,” I didn’t use video clips. I actually used three clips in the piece, linking them to key sentences. That’s why the text was blue, guy. This is the internet.

I Loves Me Some Terry O’Quinn

I have a theory about John Locke. Could be unbelievably wrong, but it’s still a fun theory. Plus I make an epistemology joke:
Click here for the recap.

Review: Observe and Report

Great and funny and dark and awesome:
Click here for the review.
It’s also amazingly darker than the TV spots, which are kind of “wacky” and retarded, like most commercials. For an actual taste of the movie, check out the red-band trailer:

Review: “Harper’s Island”

My bottom line for the review: “A dull thriller that might impress your grandmother.”
Click here for the review.

Now I Just Need To Find My Own Version Of Tuba Girl


I’ve known about Seth Rogen ever since I watched “Freaks and Geeks” back in high school, but it wasn’t until fall 2006 that I realized I was kind of weirdly similar to him, or at least the onscreen personas he’s created. As Rogen’s popularity has grown, I’ve increasingly been accused of looking like him, mostly from drunks on the Westside, but it’s just because I’m tall, overweight, and sport curly hair and a beard. I probably can’t stress enough that this is something people (again, mostly when drunk) do all on their own. They look at me and make the leap. There’s a slightly dickheaded writer at The Hollywood Reporter who half-jokingly said I was the one going around telling people, including celebrities, that I looked like Rogen, but I’m not. That’s what makes part of the recent South by Southwest so weird.

Covering film premieres for work let me do some red-carpet interviews, and while talking to Paul Rudd ahead of I Love You, Man, he joked, “When Jason (Segel) and I pulled up, I said, ‘Oh, Seth’s here.'” I laughed but mainly thought it was kind of surreal that someone who knew Rogen was parroting what I usually get from inebriated locals at the Scarlet Lady. Later that week, on the press line for Observe and Report, Michael Pena said, apropos of nothing, “You look like Seth, dude.” A few minutes later, as Rogen walked up to do his 60 seconds of chatting for my paper, he stuck out his hand and said, “Hello, me.” First words out of the guy’s mouth. It was bizarre, but not unpleasant.

Anyway, after being told many times I resemble the actor, he confirmed it himself. I don’t know what that means, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean much of anything. I sat down for a few minutes the next day for interviews with him, Pena, Jody Hill, and Anna Faris, and I was also more comfortable interviewing Rogen than the rest just because I knew I wouldn’t have to go very far to guess at what makes a 27-year-old sarcastic guy tick. We talked about movies and comic books, and I had a good time. He’s a nice and completely normal guy.

My intro paragraph for the interview was given tonal direction by the editor and then chopped up anyway, so here’s what it originally was:

“It makes sense that Seth Rogen is becoming a household name: He’s almost earnestly normal, the kind of funny, smart, literate guy who’s as down-to-earth as you’d expect from the man who came to fame playing stoner sidekicks. But he’s also in the process of transforming that image, with roles like the unhinged security guard in Observe and Report and a bona fide superhero in Michel Gondry’s forthcoming The Green Hornet. His days as the lovable schlub might be numbered after all.”

Click here for the interview.

Review: “Parks and Recreation”

A pretty solid comedy.
Click here for the review.

Today’s Playlist (4/6/09)

Here’s an explanation, and here’s a playlist from my drive:
“Talkin’ to the Moon,” Larry Gatlin & the Gatlin Brothers
“Horses,” Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers
“Cherry Lane,” Ryan Adams
“Coahuila,” Old 97’s
“Babydoll,” The Fratellis
“The New Kid,” Old 97’s
“Little Thing,” Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds (live)
“Every Morning,” Jon Nolan
“Wishing,” Hootie and the Blowfish
“Runnin’ Down a Dream,” Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
“It Wasn’t Me,” Jenny Lewis
“Lost in Space,” Fountains of Wayne
“Looking Forward to Seeing You,” Golden Smog

Review: “Rescue Me”

My first TV reviews for The Hollywood Reporter are now live. First up is the season premiere of FX’s “Rescue Me.” Click here for the review.
I also take a look at Comedy Central’s “Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire,” which is just bad. Click here for the review.