Online Transcripts

I Can Feel It In My Midichlorians: An Online Transcript

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me: whoa whoa
there’s a love theme in the prequels?
Tracy: apparently there was some sort of love story, I don’t know
I never really caught it
I was too caught up in the crazy Asian-style Trade Federation
me: well the trade federation can’t very well demand dipolomatic status in one breath and refuse to honor export tariffs in the next!
THAT’S NOT WHAT STAR WARS IS ABOUT MOTHERF**KER
PAY YOUR TAXES
Tracy: my god you’re brilliant
me: i’m just trying to uphold george’s vision
Tracy: yeah his perfect perfect vision
me: glad you finally came around
now we can be friends
Tracy: I was always on your side, no worries. Prequels 4EVAH

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Lists

Subject Lines To Spam Emails I Have Recently Received

I wish so much that I were making these up:
• You won’t find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.
• Do you really trust her?
• Our product equals great boner plus great stamina!
• Revealing the secrets of pornstarts!
• Leading supplier of Canadian chemists in now available for you.
• Celebrate your victory in love.
• With such powers you will be able to make your woman really satisfied.
• aid your lover couch experience
• boost your belove bed adventures
• 15 Mistakes Every woman made!
• The best way to drive her crazy.
• The world’s largest online health shop.
• Fill in your medication subscription.
• Break lovemaking world records
• Crazy wholesale
• hoist your sweet night event (This one is just amazing.)
• There will always be a moment in your life that can change everything, insure yourself with blue-pill!
• Lost way to her G spot?
• Want to get harder and stay up longer? We know how.

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Film

The Lost Lane-End Into Heaven

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As part of our ongoing Pajiba Blockbusters series, today I take a look at The Empire Strikes Back, which is one of my all-time favorite films. I’ve loved it since childhood, but didn’t start to genuinely appreciate it until I was older.
Click here for the review.
UPDATE: Against my better judgment and usual practices, there’s a comment I can’t help but point out. One reader named “Macafee” asked why, since “this is the internet,” I didn’t use video clips. I actually used three clips in the piece, linking them to key sentences. That’s why the text was blue, guy. This is the internet.

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