Category Archives: Online Transcripts

Rob: so want to see a potential future roommate of mine?
(sends link)
me: …
huh
ask her what the 60s were like
Rob: the 60s?
me: the era in which she was born?
Rob: ah yes
me: maybe she’s just done some hard living
Rob: haha
me: i think you should live with her
Rob: ryan thought she was hot
me: um
no, she’s not
she’s not repulsive
but i am not attracted to a woman whose chest looks like ricardo montalban’s in Wrath of Khan

My boss: You seem to be a man without a song epoxy-ed to his cranium. Let me remedy that:
Zoot suit riot — RIOT!!
me: …i will find a way to get even
THROW BACK A BOTTLE OF BEEEER
crap
My boss: Yeah, that was inhumane. A cure:
Hey Macarena HEEEYYYYYY!!
me: love me love me, say that you love me, fool me fool me, go on and fool me
My boss: Shithead.

me: whoa whoa
there’s a love theme in the prequels?
Tracy: apparently there was some sort of love story, I don’t know
I never really caught it
I was too caught up in the crazy Asian-style Trade Federation
me: well the trade federation can’t very well demand dipolomatic status in one breath and refuse to honor export tariffs in the next!
THAT’S NOT WHAT STAR WARS IS ABOUT MOTHERF**KER
PAY YOUR TAXES
Tracy: my god you’re brilliant
me: i’m just trying to uphold george’s vision
Tracy: yeah his perfect perfect vision
me: glad you finally came around
now we can be friends
Tracy: I was always on your side, no worries. Prequels 4EVAH

Me: Chatty Guy just asked the chart girl why she wasn’t at (friday’s epic office party)
and she had no idea what he meant
Abby: awkward
Me: not as awkward as their ensuing conversation about their respective weekends
Abby: does he live by himself? maybe he doesn’t have anyone to talk to in his personal life and when he gets to work all of his thoughts explode out of him
Me: no one to talk to but his victims
Abby: ahhhhhhhhh
don’t look in his freezer

(While The Sis was forced to monitor the Grammys at work:)
Sis: now katy perry is dancing
with quite an elaborate stage setup
me: yeesh
kevin IMd me and said he hopes the grammys blow up so we have an interesting story
and i think that would be AWESOME
Sis: haha
she was out of breath most of the time and looked confused. and she seem surprised when it ended
me: sounds like my last date CAN I GET A WITNESS
Sis: hahahaha
me:
ok seriously thanks for the best setup i’ll ever get
that one was right over the plate

me: i watched Milk last night
Sis: ooh, how was it?
me: good
it’s tough to watch a hyped movie in awards season, especially when peter travers’ masturbatory blurbs are everywhere
e.g. “i would murder my firstborn if he didn’t love this movie”
but it’s good
Sis: haha
me: it’s tough b/c it’s stuck between biopic and character study. they try to cover so many years that some of the action is a little blurry and disconnected, but the final year is pretty grounded
and also, less gay than Brokeback
Sis: less gay?!
me: you see dudes kissing, and resting in bed, and even kind of fooling around, but no one ever really takes anyone from behind
and dammit i want to see dudes getting it on
Sis: hahahaha
i just burst out laughing at that
me: “i didn’t come here for this impressionistic shit! LET’S SEE SOME ACTION”
Sis: hehe

Me: I mean, Sing Song. How do you explain where you’re from if it means explaining Sing Song?
Chris: It’s why people write novels, man.

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Me: [via phone, while driving] I am in Waxahachie, and it is gorgeous.
Ryan: Isn’t it?
Me: Nothing but steel and tractors and plains.
Ryan: That place is made special for Dan Carlson.
Me: It’s like God knew I was coming!
Ryan: I’ll tell you what else they’ve got: an Assemblies of God seminary.
Me: You sold me, sir. You sold me.
Ryan: I know.
Me: That does it, I’m stopping here. I’ll live here.