As I watched this the other night, I knew right away that the voice-over from NBC Sports had been lifted from an old Sam Seaborn speech. And sure enough, Jon Stewart tore into the guy.
1. Don’t steal huge chunks of prose from other writers.
2. Don’t steal from popular TV shows.
3. Don’t steal from popular TV shows on your own network, you tard.
“Ride me, cowboy.”
“Let’s go do it in the tent.”
“My backside’s all sore from the constant gay sex.”
“We should use our jobs as ranch hands as a cover to fool our wives and escape to the mountains for illicit gay sexual escapades every few months.”
“Blowdown at the OK Corral.”
“Let’s go to the rodeo … the ass rodeo.”
“I wonder if the boss will fire us if he finds out we’re doing it.”
“That’s one gay mustache.”
A note to Adelphia Cable Co., the faceless entity upon whom I rely for TV and Internet service and which has proven itself to be on occasion pretty stupid:
Perusing the cable listings on Friday afternoon, I saw that Crash was airing on one of the dozen or so HBOs I get (which is awesome). I highlighted the program to read the little info box you guys work up for movies, mainly out of curiosity/indignation/resignation that whoever writes these little blurbs gave the film a four-star rating. So I hit “Enter” on my remote to tune in, hoping I was just in time for that totally awesome scene. You know, the one where that guy figures out he’s kind of a racist. That one.
Anyway, to my surprise, I was greeted not with the image of Sandra Bullock crying and hugging her maid (right), but by shirtless and scar-chested Elias Koteas, who was working himself into a sexual frenzy photographing an accident scene while James Spader drove them slowly by a pile of wreckage.
So, I guess what I’m saying to the programmers at Adelphia is this:
Crash and Crash are two very different films. Try not to mix them up.
Also, while we’re at it, you keep mixing up The Rookie and The Rookie. English is a fairly limited language, and from time to time you’re bound to find multiple films with the same title. Don’t get confused, fellas. This is turning into scheduling anarchy.
P.S. Try to keep the Internet service from messing up. It’s really annoying. Thanks. -DC