Doing The Numbers: The Wedding

Odds that a beautiful woman will be on your flight = (amount of money you spent on ticket) x (destination) - (luck)Odds that she will be sitting next to you = (previous sum) / 999 Odds that there will be a hot single bridesmaid that wants to hook up with you = (Just don't even try) Odds that your bridesmaid friend will hook up with the groomsman that's been cruising her all night = (his high tolerance for alcohol) x (his even higher tolerance for repeated rejection) / (her moral fortitude) / (the fact that this dick's girlfriend is actually with him at the reception) + (your willingness to make a kamikaze run at this guy) + (again, her fortitude) ... x (no way) Odds of dying in the God-forsaken blasted tundra of Colorado = (susceptibility to pain) x (lack of all the layers apparently needed to survive on the icy plains) + (it's cold and I want to lie down now) Odds that you will see a black person in Colorado = N/A Odds that you will actually dance at the reception = (amount of alcohol consumed before the cash bar kicks in) + (willingness to look like an ass in front of way too many strangers) + (somebody found some extra Shiners) x (hey, it's vacation)