Queen Amidala, dejected by her planet's involvement in a murky galactic civil war, becomes a smokin' hot stripper in a pink wig. (Good grief, would this have helped the movie.)Qui-Gon Jinn attempts to steal the seven-league boots from a local dealer on Tatooine, but eventually becomes so moved by the plight of the oppressed there that he assembles a list of people he plans to save. He becomes obsessed with the list and at one point just bawls like a baby. Chancellor Valorum gets fed up with Palpatine's meddling and throws him off a balcony overlooking the Valley in the middle of a swanky party. He then briefly dates Lesley Ann Warren before founding Mindhead, a mental health facility to the stars. Obi-Wan Kenobi, still reeling from the death of his mentor, starts booting heroin between his toes. Anakin Skywalker gets shot in the face.