10. No one talks very much.9. What little conversation takes place is limited to meaningless small talk. 8. Neither party is as interested in the small talk as they pretend to be. 7. The women are vaguely foreign, and older than they appear from a distance. 6. You're paying a woman to touch you in a way that is at once both highly personal and ultimately impersonal. 5. It's best to keep your hands at your sides unless otherwise ordered. 4. Bald spots are generally ignored. 3. Tips are never mentioned but always expected. 2. There's a constant stream of background music meant to put you at ease. 1. No matter how much you might want to, it's never a good idea to blow it in your pants.