They Call Me Beardy Maleardy

zach1.jpgWell, after soliciting opinions on the old blog and the new one on just what form my facial hair should take, it's time to publish the results. Two of you think I should go with no beard, and one opted for either the beard or going clean-shaven. (That was Tracy, who was also very hungry when she commented. I hope she found food.) Six of you said I should go with a goatee, as it would most advantageously show off my hot dimples. I appreciate the compliment, and would like to share it with my father, who pointed out that dimples are hereditary. Thanks for that, pop; baldness is also hereditary, so I say it's a wash. But still, thanks. An overwhelming majority of you — 18, all told — said I should go with some form of the beard, whether it was trimmed to be thin or grown out like Jeremiah Johnson or modified to show off the dimples. I'm happy to hear that, since I always liked my beard, but I wasn't sure if my enjoyment of it was the kind of thrill toddlers get when they first figure out how to pee in a toilet, i.e., the joy is in the accomplishment alone. But I thought it looked pretty good on me. What's more, my buddy Collins' mom said it looked good, and she's never lied to me and always let me stay over when Collins and I were growing up, so I think her motives were pure. I'm going fairly clean-shaven right now, down to just the chin-goat, which Michelle compared to a part of the female anatomy (thanks again for that image), but soon enough my beard shall return in all its lustrous splendor. And not just because I want it, but because you, the bored-enough-to-comment masses, have demanded it. Thanks for your time.