Things That Occurred To Me While Watching "The Hills" Last Night, Which Admittedly Was A Pretty Stupid Thing To Do

• I live in L.A., and L.A. does not look like this. "The Hills" is so beautifully photographed that its vapid characters seem to be floating through a fantasyland (which in many ways they are) of clubs, palm trees, and inexplicably smog-free skies. I've been to the beach. It's sunny, yes, but also hot, and hazy, and clogged with people and kids and birds and the general detritus people leave behind when they sit in front of the sea for hours. But the beach party on "The Hills" was impressively staged and lit, seeming to unfold in an eternal magic hour. Everything looked somehow cleaner than it does in real life, and there's no doubt that this is to make the show's central characters look even better.• Heidi should totally dump Spencer. That guy's a douche.