Probably The Most Spiritually Graphic (And Disturbing, And Probably Offensive) Image I Have Ever Created

A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with some old friends from college and discussing our common experiences, including a week-long course in human sexuality that a few of us had taken. Taking a class like that at a school like mine basically meant you were in for four straight days of therapy, since most of us were repressed white kids from middle- to upper-middle-class churches in the South. You've met a million of us. One of the things we got to talking about was the quasi-spiritual language employed by some of our classmates in the context of the course as an excuse to sound educated or advanced or just generally better than everyone else. Below, an excerpt of the beer-fueled rant into which I heartily threw myself:"He said he was 'convicted' that masturbation was a sin. Well, I was 'convicted' that I was a college student and that it's a great stress reliever. Plus I never know what anyone means when they say they were 'convicted' about it. I get this image of him rubbing one out while holding a Bible, his tears falling down onto the thin pages, crying out, 'I'm doing it wrong! I'm doing it wrong!'"