Review: Friday the 13th

As completely stupid and utterly pointless as you would expect.Click here for the review. UPDATE: As always, Pajiba commenters rise to the self-imposed challenge of missing the point. One writes: "Were you expecting a f*cking reinvention of the genre? It's Friday the 13th, and you're seeing it on Friday the 13th. Yeah, you spent $10. Less than a night at the local watering hole (if you're worth a damn). I can only hope you had the common sense to bring some Vodka with you. Come on man, yeah, it kind sucked. It sucked hard. But it tasted better than sitting at home watching Dollhouse, knowing it's going to fall, hard. Didn't it?" Another: "So just to be clear: 1. Immoral, half naked teens/20-somethings meet their merry end. 2. Graphic, over the top slasher sequences with a variety of weaponry. 3. Poor acting/script/direction. People don't go see these films despite these things, but BECAUSE of them. I don't know why you seem so surprised. Methinks you were determined to write a bad review, no matter what you saw." A third: "This movie is filled with titties, weed, gratuitous violence, Dean Forester, and Dick Casablancas. What the eff is there NOT to like?" I barely know where to begin. It's not like I'm incapable of ironically appreciating bad movies: I'm a white twentysomething who will drink and watch Troll 2 with friends, so I'm hardly a stranger to sitting down and laughing through an awful movie. But the remake of Friday the 13th isn't so bad it's funny; it's so bad it's bad. Every genre has its own rules, but I always go into a movie hoping that the feature I'm about to see will do good by those rules, or at least break them in interesting ways. And to say that I went in planning a bad review is insulting. I want every movie I see to be good. Every one. This one wasn't. The jokes sucked; the story sucked; it was boring and tedious and completely pointless. Some of the stupider commenters — which I know some days feels like most of them, but hey, them's the breaks — seem to consider my review a failure because I didn't take into account that all director Marcus Nispel had to do to uphold his end of the bargain was parade some topless girls in front of the camera and then have them brutally massacred. But I'm not 14, and even in a slasher flick, I'm looking for more. If that's a problem for anyone, well, I appreciate your patronage to the site and hope you continue reading and commenting, but frankly, shove it up your ass.